hard

We have 54 days left. Seems long enough, but it's coming faster and faster. I'm just super overwhelmed lately with everything. Midterms are this week and my head is just not in it. We've got cats to get neutered (because they are acting friggin nuts and driving the big cats crazy). We've got to start shedding some of the crap we manage to keep stocking up on. I want to have a super major yardsale, but don't know when or how I'll have the time or energy. We've got to get Billy in shape and yes today we did go to the Y and worked out. It was nice. William got a timeout in the YPlay room because he tried to beat up another kid over a toy. Nice, right? And I almost killed myself on the elliptical machine. Oh and Allison has this insane dinosaur project to do over the next two weeks. We're having to dip into savings b/c we can't seem to stop being stupid with our money. And that savings will probably be wiped clean because most often soldiers don't start getting paid for 30 -45 days. I start crying over the dumbest things. (I promise this isn't a woman thing either) But I have these moments of awareness that Billy won't be here all that much longer. I've gotten so used to his company everyday and we've really enjoyed each other's company. Of course he's in there snoring like a freight train - but even that I think I'll miss. And when I ask him to reach something in the top cabinet it occurs to me that I'll be climbing on counter tops again to reach stupid crap. It's like I won't have his help on anything. And not even big things like mowing the fields, but little things like opening the dang garage door. I have so much homework coming up and no will to do any of it. I'd rather just cry about it. It's just breaking my heart because I know I'm going to just really miss him so much. Even now, I can't stop the tears. I'm a mess. It's just a very hard place for me to be in right now. I got a letter from MTSU saying I needed to come in on Saturday the 23rd to do my final presentation. I totally lost it. The last damn thing I want to do on my last day with Billy is to drive to Murfreesboro for something for school. I emailed them asking to reschedule - and yes I played the army card. So, we'll see. Not to mention there are so many things that need to get done before he goes. I keep saying I'm going to make a list and just start at the top until everything is done. I'm really just vomiting out thoughts right now. I don't even know if I'll post this one. But I do feel better. Tears have cleared for the moment. Gotta get something done now. But first, a cookie. : )