Saturday, July 30, 2011

Something I shared

So, I still check in on the Army Spouse site from time to time. I try to avoid all the negative talk (there isn't much but when there is some... it's heartbreaking to read) about marriages getting split up and all that mess. But tonight I read a post that was a very honest and enlightening perspective of the life of a military spouse. Basically she said that she can understand how marriages get ruined. She said that you have to be strong because it is HARD to be married to a soldier. It is a constant emotional rollerscoaster of wondering and wishing and hoping and not knowing. (she sounds like me, doesn't she?) But a lot of girls were replying and being completely open and honest about some of the frustrations that comes with this life. So, I chimed in. Here's what I said...

My husband and I have been married for 12 years. This whole process has been the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with - and trust me when I say we've had some doozies. But while he was at basic, I missed him. But it is almost like I understood that it was impossible for him to tell me everything. So I accepted that. Now he is at AIT and has a lot more freedom. We talk every day and it's like I keep expecting him to tell me everything and then want to hear everything I've been doing. But then we only have a short time to talk and so I get so frustrated. For example, I mailed him his contacts since he only had one pair with him. So, I sent him a text asking if he'd gotten them and he replied, 'yeah a couple days ago. and just in time too. my other pair ripped. that's why my eyes were hurting so bad.' Well my whole problem with all of that was, first, I had no idea his eyes were hurting, and second, he never told me he got the package I sent him. I mean, I mailed him a bunch of stuff like his headphones and a card and a thing the kids made him. He didn't even think to mention it to me until I asked. So, it's like we're talking but not talking. I honestly think this is harder than just not talking at all. Well, that's not true. But still. So, I've started sending him emails about our daily stuff just so that I feel like I've at least communicated with him. I know he reads them and maybe he doesn't have time to reply, but that's ok. I'm learning that we just can't talk like we used to.



When you spend 12 years married (plus three years together before that) and you've never been apart and have been able to just talk every single day for however long it takes to tell it all... you realize how precious those conversations were. I miss it so much. I just want to go back to normal most days. But I know that is impossible and I'm finding ways to hold it together. Sometimes successfully, and sometimes not so much. So I can certainly see the strain this life has on a marriage. Even marriages that are as strong as ours can get jerked upside down. But it is a choice. Either stick with it and be stronger on the other side, or give up and never have that blessing of a love worth fighting for.


I plan on sticking with it, just so you know.

Friday, July 29, 2011

The Do-Over Sleep-Over

I have a house full of 8 year old girls. We're doing the 'do-over sleep over' tonight. 5 of the original 7 have returned for this slumber party even after I sent them all home last time when I got sicker than a dog. But now that I'm not feeling so vomitous... I am having a grand old time watching the drama from afar. Well at least I'm trying to stay away. They keep finding me.
But in my observations of these girls... I've come to the conclusion that each girl here has a role. And each of these roles is very demonstrative of the roles I learned about in my "Leadership Development" class when we talked about the roles of team members.
We have the informant. This is the child who feels it necessary to come back and find me every so often and give me to scoop on who is being mean or who got hurt during the game of hide and seek.
We have the leader. This is the child who takes charge and tries to delegate responsibilty. This child likes to determine whose turn it is to be "IT" and oddly enough, this child never has to be "IT" (sounds like one of my old bosses.)
We have the mediator. This is the child who doesn't want anyone to be upset. Therefore, this child likes to make sure that everyone is included, and if there is an issue (an issue that the informant has done her job and already told me ALL about it) that needs to be resolved, this child will find a way to make sure everyone is happy.
We have the observer. This is the child who likes to be included, but also is fine with sitting off to the side watching.
Lastly we have the trouble maker. This is the child who goes into the rooms that are known to be off limits. This is the child who likes to make a super big mess and then laugh about it. This is the child who likes to convince the other girls that the rules of hide and seek are really more like "guidelines" than actual rules. This is the child who may not get to come to the next party. I'm just saying.
But if you didn't already guess, Allison would be the mediator. She's making sure everyone is playing fair and following the rules. And then in the meantime, she is being very diplomatic and ensuring that all particpants in her party are treated fairly. That's my girl!!
And here we are approaching midnight and the party has yet to quiet down. I think it is time for the CEO of this operation to bring the party down a few notches so that she can maybe get some sleep. Where's my mediator...??

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Hometown Recruiting

I managed to do yet another clean sweep of the house today. This time, I hit the girls' rooms and the storage closet. Lord help me. I may not be able to walk tomorrow. I can barely walk right now. So, yeah my dining room is full of junk again. Only this time, I don't have Billy to help me haul it off.
So it looks like October will be more like September as far as reporting goes. Or at least that is what I think Billy was trying to tell me tonight. Basically, if his report date is Oct 9th, then he'll be using up his entire leave for the year plus some. So, his Sgt told them today that they are going to have to do something called Hometown Recruiting. This is where you come back home and go in the recruiting station for a few hours every day and try to get people to sign up. This is a 14 day dealio. So, he'll be home for two weeks, and that won't count against his leave. But then he said that doing that is going to change his report date to Bragg. I'm guessing he meant move it up. So, I'm back to having no clue what to expect. And that's OK. I'll just work with the stuff I know and be prepared to move at a moment's notice.
Sigh... I always heard the military life was 'hurry up and wait' but I think the more appropriate statement shoud be 'wait and wonder and wait some more and then rush around like crazy to get where you gotta be.' Maybe that is just the military spouse phrase.  

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Unofficially

So according to Billy's online Army source, he got orders to report to Bragg in early October. NOW... this is the unofficial order. And we can't really do anything until he gets the official papers in his hand. But until then "WE'RE MOVING TO NORTH CAROLINA!!!!!" Ok... Sorry. This was just such great news. And shocking news. And scary news! But I've known since Tuesday morning, but couldn't announce it really. I literally woke up every hour that night to check. I finally saw it at 4 am. I was so shocked. Fort Bragg was not at all what we imagined. I was dead set on Virginia or Korea. Thank GOD it wasn't Korea! But then Billy called me early that morning at 5 am. I thought he had got my message and was calling to talk about it. But he was laughing and cutting up with a bunch of guys and when he was able to talk, he told me he had just passed his PT test!! WHOO HOO!!! And he didn't have a clue about our FDS (first duty station). But when I told him he was like, "Oh." I am sure it shocked him too.
So the good news is this... we are going to be close to his friend Jonathan and my cousin Mariah. We are going to get to be together!! It isn't Korea!!! We are only 9 hours from home (easy drive home for holidays). Bragg is an Airborne division - and Billy's decided he wants to go to Airborne school. (Yes, I know. I can't believe it either. But hey, if he wants to jump out of an airplane with a full set of gear on his back - not once but five times... then ok by me!) A couple of his friends are also going to be stationed there (unofficially).
I've been doing my research like crazy all day. Looks like a really awesome place!! I'm getting more excited about it every hour. Billy is excited about it, too. And it isn't KOREA!!

So, where are we going to live?? Well, that is to be determined. BUT... I found the most awesome little neighborhood that I want to get into. But here's the catch - we can't do anything until he has papers in his hands. This neighborhood I found is considered Fort Bragg, but it's actually located about ten miles from the gate. The land is owned and controlled by Fort Bragg. It has a gated entrance with MP's patrolling the area. There are two elementary schools inside this neighborhood. And they are talking about building a PX (post exchange AKA Army walmart) there too. So, it will still be considered on-post housing, but without the on-post confinement. Looks like there is a two month waiting period to get into one of these houses. But if Billy gets his orders like a couple weeks before he graduates, and we get on the list immediately after that, and we don't have to report for a few weeks... the two months may not even be a big deal. Some houses on that post had a nine month waiting list. Anyway... this is the link to the "neighborhood" - really it is more like a little community. http://www.livelindenoaks.com/  Here is the official Fort Bragg link to this neighborhood. It has more statistics and less pictures, but you can actually see the floor plan on the houses. (almost 2000 square foot) http://www.braggpicerne.com/residents/neighborhoods/linden-oaks And YES we will get four bedrooms!! WHOO HOO! If this all works out and we can get into this place, I'll be one happy momma!!!

Speaking of me being a momma... yes, the kids know and the more we've explored online, the more they are getting excited. We've checked out the schools (they are Dept of Defense schools) and they don't look scary or anything. Middle school has a VERY strict dress code and that's got Emma all tore up. But she may not have to worry about that until next year. And the high school is a public local school. And it wasn't the one in the kinda scary area of town. So, that makes me feel better, too. Can't find anything about a band program... hmmm... Surely the army has a beginning band program. How else are they going to train those Army Band players?? And there is a child care center in the neighborhood, too. So, if I decide to actually use my degree and find a job, William will have a place to go.

Again, as you can see, I've not done anything until I have Billy's papers in my hand. (whatever!) I'm being very patient and taking things as they come. (ppsshhttt!) And of course, the kids may or may not get the school we were looking at. That is going to depend on what neighborhood we get into. And then we can't even think about getting into that neighborhood until we have those stinkin papers! So, therefore I'm just going to occupy my time by researching and getting a feel for what life will be like in North Carolina. I mean, really, to plan it all out down to who gets what bedroom and where the couch is going to go would just be silly. And I'm a very silly person. =)

Honestly, I'm just glad to have something to do rather than sit here wondering and worrying. At least now I have a bit of a purpose.

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

It is either sink or float

Ok I am really anticipating finding out Billy's new assignment tomorrow. I mean it could show up or maybe it won't. But I am just sick with anxiety about it. If it doesn't show up online tomorrow, I will just crumple. I just really want to know!!! But whatever. I have to have faith that where we go is where God wants us. It will all be part of the bigger plan. A plan that I don't understand yet. A plan that was set out for us before we even knew we were going to be doing any of this. So this is just me talking myself out of a hysterical tantrum. I am just going to have to make myself float. And we all know that you can't float if you keep flailing around. The more you struggle, the more you sink. But if you just relax and close your eyes with your face and your heart facing up to heaven, then you can float on through whatever type of water that rages underneath you.

Floating. Simply floating.

Friday, July 22, 2011

Amish Country

Today was a much needed escape to the land of the Amish. My wonderful mother-in-law led us out to these little farms out in the middle of nowhere to find some wonderful homegrown veggies. It was a very hot day, but the breeze was pleasant enough to where we weren't melting. Because you know us sweet southern gals DO melt in the oppressive heat. Anyway, it was a lovely day and now I have all kinds of wonderful yummies to cook on for a while. I even managed to snatch some homemade fried pies. Best things on this earth, let me tell you! But tomorrow I get to do something just really domestic and learn how to can. Yup, me - Mrs. "Hates the Kitchen" is going to try and watch my mother-in-law and grandmother can some corn and peaches. Lord help us all!
The kids were simply amazed at how the Amish lived. Emma was non-stop with questions. "Why do they wear their hair like that? Why do the guys have such long beards? Aren't they hot in all those clothes?" We had stopped at this one little farm that the yard was full of children. The youngest was probably 2 years old. She was adorable in her little dress and bonnet. Her dress was cut just like a grown person. So it was like looking at a miniature woman. But they all stared at Emma and Allison as we were picking out our okra. When we got back in the car Emma wanted to know why they were starring at them. I said, "The same reason you were staring at them."
But after such a long day, the kids decided they wanted to hang out at their MeMaw's house to which I replied... "well if you insist!" and took off like a bolt of lightening. LOL! I jetted out of there before they could change their minds. I know.. I'm horrible. But this is a win-win for everyone. I get a nice quiet night all by myself (something I don't think has happened since 2006) and the kids get to spend some quality time with their grandparents (since who knows where we'll be moving to this Fall). So, here I am. At home. No noise (except for the 400 millions crickets that live right outside my bedroom window). Not even the TV is on. And I have nothing to do. I'm not even sure how to behave!

Thursday, July 21, 2011

PT Tests and Rule 5

Tomorrow Billy has his big PT test. This one does count and he's got to pass. So, lots and lots of prayers going to him!! I told him that God would not have put him there to watch him fail. And that he just has to believe in that and in himself. He said that the night he had fireguard (where you sit in a chair and guard the hallways for two hours) he did push ups. He said he did 40 in what he thinks was a minute. And he only needs 36. So, I'm hoping his situps are just as good. It's got me a bit on edge. But not as much as seeing his "Rule 5" pop up today.
Let me explain... Rule 5? You say? Well, I thought the same thing. What the crap does that mean? Well, I found out that when a recruit is in training, they are in a Rule 2 status - "in training." But once they are in their advanced training and about to be assigned a permanent duty station, they move to Rule 5 - "pending assignment." So, that means that we will have an assignment within the next few days. It being a Thursday... I'm not looking for it to show up until Monday or Tuesday. Now the catch is, this is all according to an online account that we have to sign into. And the Army says you can not believe anything until you have it in writing and in your hands. So, when he gets his real paper orders... it could change. Nice, right?
So between Rule 5, the PT test, my kids, bills, and everything else I'm back to being a big old raw nerve. I am so wound up, I couldn't even tend to the kids today. They went and hung out with their granddad at the creek this afternoon so I could just sit in a quiet house for a few hours. I wonder how I'll manage when Billy is deployed and I'm in some strange state a gazillion miles from anywhere and have nobody to just take the kids for an afternoon... sigh...

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

My clock is on drugs

Ok I'm seriously thinking the clock took a medication or something. Really??? How is it that the time is SOOOO slow here lately? Everything is slow actually. My internet is driving me crazy. Which according to the AT&T expert, it is because the trees are in full bloom. I swear to you, that is what he said. This, of course, was after an hour of clicking here and there and everywhere. So, his only explanation was "the trees are in full bloom." Whatever. I just feel like my patience is being tested half the time.
I think the irritation comes from knowing that in just a week or so we should be finding out our new destiny. I'm scared and nervous and excited and impatient. I just want to know for goodness sake. Billy said there are 15 possible companies he could get in and 6 of them are in Virginia. It is really looking more and more like that could be a real possibilty. So, I'm trying not to freak out. He didn't tell me how many were overseas. I'm probably glad he didn't. I do know that one of them is Fort Hood, TX. And that scares me. According to some of the things I've read, if you don't speak Spanish in that part of the country you might as well be in a foreign country. If I have to learn another language and not even get to leave the country... ugh!
But enough of that.
Allison declared last night that today would be a lazy day. I think she was just worn out from swimming for two days straight. Even though I would have liked to have gone for a work-out, I appeased her and we stayed home - in pajamas all day. Problem was she came up to me at least 400 times saying she was bored. And William has decided that he doesn't need to wait on his momma to get him a snack. He now just pulls a chair up to the counter, hauls himself up and helps himself to whatever he can find in the cabinets. He brought me the pop-tart box this morning for breakfast. I wish I had a TV security system so I could watch all my kids' movements in the house.
I did manage to sort out all mine and Billy's books today. I threw out a bunch of books that we just don't read ever. Stuff like the 'household encyclopedia" - who needs that when you have google? But I cleared out two whole shelves of books. It felt wonderful! I also need to clear out some of Emma and William's books. Allison already has hers down to a minimum. But we're back to clearing out spaces. I feel a move coming on. So, we're doing another household purge soon. Anybody want a china cabinet or antique dresser? I might actually try to do a yardsale this time. I don't know though. I could sure use the extra cash.
And that reminds me... did you know Southwest has flights on weekdays at odd hours for $40?? I'm seriously thinking about booking my ticket for when I go to get Billy from AIT. We're kinda waiting on the information as to when he gets to leave and all that. When he gets his orders in a couple weeks, it should have some sort of reporting date. So, who knows.
Anyway, I'm just rambling now. Just looked at the clock and hardly any time has passed. Not sure if I should try to think slower or type slower - or both.

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

iTunes, weight loss, and getting ready for future things

The weirdest thing happened today. But you know I was trying to download the Harry Potter CD. Well, it went nutso or something. This was two days ago. I've been waiting on iTunes to reply to my email to explain how to find my missing tracks. Well, I never got an email. But on our way to the Y this morning, I tried to open up the iPod app on my phone and it said "Contents Empty" UM? WHAT?? I had about 700 songs in there yesterday. And now not only do I not have the Harry Potter CD, but now my whole music library is gone! I just kinda gave up wondering at this point and decided my stress factor was too high to add this to it. Anyway, I get to to the Y and I try again to open my iPod app. Well, now there sits the Harry Potter CD and says it is ready to download. BLECH! So, I try to download it, but the WiFi at the Y is kinda spotty and it was taking forever. So, I only got about half of the tracks (after being there for three hours) and just threw up my hands again. OK... so I get home and plug my phone in. Not only are all the Harry Potter tracks in the iPod, but my entire contents are back and even some duplicates of the HP tracks. I think Apple hates me. Whatever... I'm back to happy for now.
And speaking of happy and going to the Y... I'm back on my weight loss kick. Since I left to go to the Carolinas I've lost another 4 pounds which puts me at 30 pounds lighter than last year. According to the BMI, I should be at 110. So I still have a ways to go. But this certainly is a happy day. So it is now my absolute goal to lose another 15 - 20 pounds before the end of the year. I don't know if it is possible... but I'm going to do all I can. Today and yesterday I did a one hour work out. I just gotta keep it up. I think when the girls start school, I'll be able to focus on it a little more.
And speaking of school... I can NOT believe they only have a week and a half before they start up again. I hate to see them off to school only to uproot them in a few weeks. If there was a way that I could just keep them out... oh well. But we should be finding out our new assignment soon. Billy's Sgt told them that she was going to know where everyone is stationed next week but isn't going to tell them. She said that some people get upset about their assignment and try to fail out on purpose. So, I'm thinking, she could just call me and tell me. LOL! But he's heard again, that most of the people in his class will be staying there at Fort Eustis. So, in a small way, I'm preparing myself for that. I already looked at some houses for rent in the area. Boy howdy! The Virginians think alot about their properties. 2bdrms for $1100. Crap!!!  And I'm mentally preparing all this and we'll get Korea or something horrible. So, I'm trying not to fixate too much on it. I just want to be back home with my husband. I don't care where that home is.

Sunday, July 17, 2011

Summer's End

I was talking to my mother this morning and I was mentioning that Billy has just completed his first week of AIT. It kinda made my stomach hurt because it feels like a month since he left to go to Virginia. But it really isn't that bad considering we only have 45 more days. That's nothing compared to Basic Training - as we all know.
But this weekend has been either action packed or uneventful. Harry Potter did not disappoint at all. In fact, I was so pleasantly pleased with it, I downloaded the soundtrack this afternoon. (me and iTunes are going to have a knock down drag out by the way) and everyone who knows me knows that if I have the soundtrack, then I love the movie. I don't know many other people like that except Billy. He doesn't really do that anymore, but when we first started dating I found it interesting that we had the same CD's many of which were soundtracks to movies. Sorry - back to the movie. It was an emotionally satisfying ending to a wonderful story. The moment that upset me so in the book was exactly perfect in the movie - intense and emotional. I can't wait to see it again. I wonder if it will still be in theaters in 45 days and I can go with Billy. Hmmm...
But, Billy and I have been talking on a pretty regular basis. If he isn't able to call, he'll text. And Friday evening we talked for almost a whole hour. It was wonderful! The kids all got a chance to chat with him, too.
I found a few things that I'll share with you
  • Graduation IS on September 1st and he will graduate IF he passes his PT tests and other tests.
  • He shares a room with two other guys. One who likes to play rap music really loud. ugh
  • The air conditioner in their room is broken... it never shuts off. Ever. One night they woke up and it was 38 degrees in there. They have to sleep in their winter PT uniforms with wool blankets and hats on. (Billy's thinking about buying a comforter next time he gets a chance to go to the store)
  • He and his team of classmates got the highest score when rigging up some thing-a-ma-jig. YAY!
  • They have a big room where they play movies on a big screen and have movie style seating. But this is only available on weekends. And the two movies he saw playing this weekend were "Hurt Locker" and "Full Metal Jacket." He said "Full Metal Jacket" was hilarious now that he's been through basic.
  • They won't get real weekend passes (like going off base or staying away over night) because a group before them messed up real bad.
  • Speaking of messing up, another guy from a different class came back from his weekend pass drunk. OOPS!
So that's about it really. Other than our conversation today trying to get his WiFi set up on the laptop, we've had some real nice talks. I am kinda liking this training. Last night he told me to listen to a Foo Fighters' song, "Summer's End." The words seem to fit pretty well. See if you agree.


"Summer's End"



Early morning without warning

Woke me with a scare

I had that dream again

That the sun was dead



Make me warm or take me home

Its so cold in here

Can't we meet somewhere

Is it winter there?

Is it winter there?

This winter



Meet me in the summertime

We can move the air

Sweet Virginia countryside

I will meet you there



Golden lips and cherry wine

Moonshine in your hair

Just keep staring at the sun

Pray for summer's end.



Come on over brave my storm

Oceans overhead

Come inside, my friend

Getting bad out there



Every moment we have stolen

All we have to share



No one wanted them

But you know I did

You know I did

This moment



Meet me in the summertime

We can move the air

Sweet Virginia countryside

I will meet you there



Bloody lips and cherry wine

Moonshine in your hair

Just keep staring at the sun

Pray for summer's end



Meet me in the summertime

We can move the air

Sweet Virginia countryside

I will meet you there



Bloody lips and cherry wine

Moonshine in your hair

Just keep staring at the sun

Pray for summer's end



Meet me in the summertime

Meet me in the summertime

Meet me in the summertime

We can move the air

Meet me in the summertime

I will meet you there





Friday, July 15, 2011

Farewell Harry!

Most of you know, I am a GI-NOMROUS Harry Potter fan. I wasn't always. In fact, I just didn't understand all the hype for all those years. And then when I was pregnant with William and needed something to do while I kept my feet elevated, I picked up the first book. I figured, "eh, an easy read. why not?"  So, the madness began. At this point I already knew that I was having a little boy and here I am reading about a little boy whose mother loved him so much that he was able to live even though she wasn't. Pure connection and I was glued to the books. I had kinda sorta watched a movie or two, but again... never understood the big deal. And quite honestly, the movies kinda confused me. So I managed to read all seven books in about a 4 month stretch. I'll never forget a moment while I'm reading the seventh (and last) book on the couch one afternoon. I was just reading along towards the end of the book (no spoilers here) when a moment occurred in the novel that I just wasn't expecting. My whole family was sitting in the room watching television and here I am lying perfectly still ~ until I get to that one part. I bolted up gasping and sobbing all of which carried on for the absolute longest time. My heart physically hurt. Everyone thought I was nuts. But man, it was like a punch in the gut. And at this point, I'm about to burst with baby. It was just a moment of unmatched connection between fiction and reality.
So since my first run of reading the novels, I have revisited the books at least twice (some a third time). And now the last movie is on the big screen and Emma and I are headed to watch it in the morning. I am super excited about it and almost sad about it. Mainly sad because Billy won't be coming with us and he is always as excited about seeing these as we are. I'm hoping that they show the film at Fort Eustis and he can take a weekend and go see it. Maybe if I get to go visit him on a weekend pass, we can go together. Wishful thinking I guess.
Anyway, in other news, the girls got their school supplies today. I almost wish we didn't have to even buy them knowing that we could be moving in a few weeks. But they were super happy to have their new things and spent most of the afternoon filling their new backpacks with their fresh smelling pencils and packs of paper. Am I the only one that just loves the smell of brand new school supplies???
OH speaking of smells... can you believe Cracker Barrel has Halloween stuff out already???? What the crap is that???

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

ZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzz..........

Having a hard time getting back to a routine around here. After our trip, all I've wanted to do is sleep. I wake up. Make some breakfast, wash the dishes, put in a load of laundry. And then I have to sleep again. I'll sit here and try to watch TV or a movie and fall asleep in the middle of it. I think I am just totally exhausted from the last couple of weeks and it finally hit me.
But today we managed to make it to the pool. And we could only stay for an hour because it was too friggin hot. The water was like a bath. I think if we go back, it'll be to swim in the evening or late afternoon. That was just too hot.
And Billy's called every night. We really only get to talk for a few minutes, but it is enough to find out what is going on with him. Kinda.
Monday night he told me that 90% of the people in his class would be stationed at Fort Eustis when they are done with school. But then Tuesday night, that changed to who the heck knows. And then tonight he told me that people were talking about going to Korea.
Monday night he told that he would have to pass a PT test Tuesday. Tuesday night he told me he passed the running but nothing else but that it was OK because this was just a "let's see where you are test." Then tonight he told me that he got counseled by his Sgt and was told if he didn't pass the next PT test, which will be Tuesday, then she is going to start his chapter papers (kicking you out papers)
Monday night he told me that most of the training was going to be hands-on and that they would be spending almost all their time on board a cargo ship and in the shipyards. Tuesday he told me that he did nothing but class work. And then tonight, he told me that they found out that a lot of the hands-on would be on a similator ship and that not everything will be based on the ship.
Before he got there, he read that you could have your cell phones every night between the hours of 5 and 9. Monday, that changed to a few minutes before lights out. Tuesday he sends me text messages at odd hours throughout the day. And then today, he called for a few minutes. Hung up and said he would text me after formation.
Monday night he told me that he would graduate on September 1st. Tonight... not so much. Not even sure when graduation will be.
Before he left, we talked about maybe me going to see him one weekend when he gets a pass. Tonight, he said it didn't sound like they were going to get weekend passes.
So... I don't think I know what to believe. Nobody seems to have a straight answer. But whatever.

Anyway, I'm going to have to get back in a routine of staying busy. I think the past few days were needed to catch up on some sleep. But before my children decide to institutionalize me, I gotta make an effort to stay awake.

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Things I've learned

I just spent a couple hours going back and reading some of the blog entries from before Billy left. I laughed and I cried, but mostly I am just so thankful that I’ve had this medium as a way to share and record this amazingly crazy experience. I found a few things about myself in this process. I realized that some things I thought I knew were false and some things I thought I’d learn, I’m still trying to figure out. For example, I thought I’d learn quickly what it would be like to not have Billy around. Logistically it hasn’t been horrible. I’ve been completely capable of dealing with the kids and getting everyone the things they’ve needed. But I still haven’t learned how not to have Billy here just as my friend. We’ve always been such great friends and we love to make each other laugh. But not having that here in a tangible form, I’m still trying to deal with. I can tell he tried to give me some good stories to laugh at in his letters and Lord knows I tried to make my letters as funny as possible. I think that the last couple of weeks though, I let my sad side show a bit too much for what he needed to hear. That one solid month where I had no contact with him at all was probably the worst month I’ve had in many many many years. I haven’t shared all my dark and secret worries with you all only because it didn’t seem to help. But it was incredibly hard. It was simply just hard to breathe sometimes.


But this basic training has been the most educational experience of my life. I have been taught faith – why do I worry when God has in under control? I have been taught strength – calming my young daughter down when she has a total meltdown the day before her birthday because her daddy isn’t here to share it with her. I have been taught patience – “no news is good news” is probably the most irritating phrase in the military language and whoever came up with it needs to understand that it might be true but it doesn’t exactly take the pain out of my heart or worry out of my mind. I have been taught real joy – hearing that Billy has done so well and that all our prayers were being answered is a blessing that I can only give thanks to God for. I have been taught real love – I don’t think I can explain how much my love for him has grown. I have been taught that the Army will and has to come first – this is a hard thing to digest, but I understand it (or I think I do anyway). And probably most importantly, I have learned what it feels like to sacrifice – I have seen what kind of sacrifice Billy has had to make and it makes me so proud to call him my husband. And in order for him to do his job which includes these sacrifices, I must be able to sacrifice my own wants and needs in order for him to be able to do this job. Nobody said it would be easy or fun. It is what it is. But in no way, do I regret standing behind him in this decision. So proud to be called an official Army wife now!! HOOAH!!!

Monday, July 11, 2011

Weekend Pass

So let me tell you about the past couple days in case you are interested.


Graduation was nice. Not too terribly hot and we had good seats. The only real negative of the day was my camera died and I wasn't able to get many pictures. But honestly they didn't do anything much other than march in, stand there for an hour, and then march out. No big pomp and circumstance.

Once we got all his gear loaded and got back to the hotel, we ended up spending several hours sorting out some of the nastiest smelling laundry ever. Problem was they never had dryers and everything was hung dry. But not everything dried and they just sat there and rotted! We basically had to wash everything in his bag – which was a lot of stuff! So watching Billy do laundry was amazing! He sorted, washed, and folded everything. For a moment I thought I should learn how to fold it the military way, but quickly decided this was just one less thing for me to deal with. And besides he did a fantastic job. Rolling all those socks and tshirts - so proud!

So after laundry and then packing his bags to prepare for his next leg of the journey, we took advantage of having some family in the hotel with us and went on a date night. Nothing too extra special. We ended up shopping for a garment bag for his dress blue uniform and then grabbing a quick bite at chik fila. Then sitting in the hotel room Billy finds the Military channel. This got him talking about guns and bombs and grenades and terrorists and uniform and tactical maneuvers. I don't know how to act like this is normal conversation. It really struck home how they leave a man and return a soldier. Seriously.

So the next morning was our long drive to Virginia. It was a bit nerving to get about an hour away and get stuck in traffic. The traffic report was “tunnel blocked. Expect long delays” UGH! Billy and I were on the edge of our seats because this tunnel was the only way there. And he had to check in by 8pm. We just weren’t sure how long the traffic was going to be at the stand still like it was. Eventually we started moving again. Jonathan driving all the while. Which put me in the back seat with the stir crazy kids. By the time we pulled into the gate at Fort Eustis, I was one big raw nerve. Anyway, long story short, Billy went into the building to report in and came back out in about 3 minutes. It was in this three minutes that I fretted about whether or not he was going to get his weekend pass. So, when I saw him come out so soon, I just knew for sure he was just coming to get his bags and that was it. But nope! He got the weekend pass. Since he had Sgt Price (Jonathan) with him, the check in process was nothing but “here take this papers and come back Sunday at 1700” So that was incredibly cool! After much debate, we decided to drive back to Jonathan’s house in North Carolina (another 6 hours in the car) and spend the weekend.

So Saturday we wake up and drive out to the beach. It was wonderful to see Billy relax finally. I don’t think he ever really calmed down 100%, but being in the ocean with the kids was as close to relaxed as he got all weekend.

Sunday was the hardest day yet. Knowing that he was leaving in the morning to go back to Virginia and that we were going back to Nashville, my heart was hurting so bad. Knowing how hard it was the last time around only added to the pain. I just don’t think I can deal with that kind of separation again. But the difference this time is that he will be able to call home more often and even have access to the internet. So, we should be able to communicate almost daily.

Watching him leave was hard. Going back home without him was harder. But knowing that we are very blessed to have such a wonderful man in our lives is a great thing. 8 weeks. We can do it. Just going to float.

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Leave it to Billy

Billy is amazing!!! Truly amazing. Today was Family Day. It was an incredible day and an emotional day. I have such mixed emotions about what all happened. But in an overall observation, I completely loved every minute of the day. Even the moments that were hard for me ~ I'll explain later.
First, let me just give you a run down of the day's events. We arrive super early and ended up getting pretty good seats despite the wet bleachers. After waiting a little over an hour for the events to begin, the excitement in the air was tangible! Of course, there were about a dozen important people who gave their speeches and then they said for us to turn our attention to the field. Then all these canons started going off and smoke bombs and from the cloud of smoke, through the trees, ran our soldiers onto the field. Louder than any sporting event's applaud I have ever heard... Here's the part we were able to capture on video...

Absolute GOOSE BUMPS!

After that, they let the audience onto the field and we had to find our soldier. It wasn't hard to locate Billy in his BCG's (birth control glasses). But boy howdy! He was soooo skinny!!! He hated those glasses though... really hated them. He had been wearing his regular glasses for the past few days hoping he could wear them today, but no luck. It wasn't a big deal though... everyone else out there who wore glasses had them on too.
Anyway... we find Billy and the tears started immediately! That hug was as close as I was allowed to get to him all day. That really sucked. The whole 'no holding hands and hugging' thing was for real - for real! Billy was afraid to touch me. At one point he introduced me to one of his buddies and wrapped his arm around my shoulder almost involuntarily and then dropped it like I was on fire. But the thing that made it Ok was he WAS able to hold the kids' hands and carry them around and love on them. So, that was good!! I know they missed him and seeing him today was incredible. William even introduced Billy to a complete stranger and said, "My dad is the army" LOL! So sweet! But even though I know Billy was and will always be the one to obey the rules to a T, he was seriously following the rules today. No hugs or kisses for me. :(
All that considering, we had a nice, peaceful and yet tiring day. We had a nice (super hot) picnic while the kids played on the playground. Then we sat inside the community center (big gymnasium with air conditioning) where there were some bounce houses and games. Then we went to the PX (army version of Walmart) and walked around a little. Ate some ice cream ~ Billy was craving it. We walked around the Fort Jackson Museum - awesome place!! Tried to find some glimpse of Billy's granddaddy who also did his basic training at Fort Jackson in 1950, but no luck. Then we went back to the community center. Billy got to listen to his Foo Fighters for the first time in 10 weeks on my iPhone and the kids and grandparents all played board games. I just sat there thrilled to be in arms reach of my husband - even if I couldn't touch him. Then we went to Burger King for some greasy cheeseburgers which Billy probably shouldn't have eaten. And then our last stop was back to his barracks where the drill sergeants were literally standing there watching all the soldiers saying good-bye to their families as if they were hoping to catch someone kissing or carrying on. BLECH! Whatever. I get it. Not even a big deal, I'm going to get to see him tomorrow. And by then he will be DONE with basic and out from under the drill sergeants and can come back to the hotel with us and relax!!!
It was a long day. I had a hard time saying good-bye to him because it wasn't like I got to spend much time with him even though he was with us all day. I'm just thankful that he was able to hang out and share some hilarious and entertaining stories with all of us.
One of the funnier parts of the day was having Jonathan with us. Jonathan is a Sergeant in the Army and all the soldiers that he would come near would get all nervous and try to stand straighter or go to Parade Rest (a loose version of attention). Once a guy that Billy knows leaned over and said quietly, "Hey man, you got a drill sergeant behind you." LOL!!! Billy's like, "really? Nah, he's with me." Jon is a recruiter not a drill sergeant. And then we were in the command's quarters to pick up Billy's orders for AIT and one of his drill sergeants was in there. Apparently they all made fun of Billy's age so when Jonathan comes in behind him, the DS says, "Blackburn, is that your son?" Billy answered "Yes, Drill Sgt!" thinking he meant William. And then the banter starts making fun of Billy having a son that old (talking about Jonathan) Then the DS says, "You own son outranks you!" It was funny!
Anyway, I'm in the hotel now. Trying to make this laptop post some pictures... Let's see if I can get very far.
Blackburn Family Reunion!!

Proud Momma gets a hug

Proud Daddy says Congrats!

Billy and Jonathan


The hotel was very accomidating!

HOOAH!

William waiting on his daddy

Best tasting Dr. Pepper EVER!

William asleep and Billy almost asleep

William picking up an M16 (the gun Billy carried around for several weeks straight)

Emma and her grenade

Big Tank

Cool helicopter

Army Jeep

Sup?

Fort Jackson 165th
3/34th
Echo Company
3rd Platoon Punishers

Billy with his Army face on!

I am sure tomorrow will bring many many more stories and pictures as he finally passes over in the real army as a soldier and no longer a recruit. So super excited!!!!To be continued..... 



Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Nervous?

WHY am I so nervous about seeing Billy tomorrow??? I feel like I am meeting a guy on a blind date. What am I going to wear? Should I wear my hair up or down? Will it be hot and will I be so super sweaty? What if my make up smears and no one tells me? Do I wear lipstick or not? Can't have him covered in lipsmack marks!! I'm just ridiculous! I can't calm down for anything! I mean after all, this is the man who has seen me at my worst (after all three of my c-sections, after having my wisdom teeth pulled, on a Saturday of deep cleaning the house, after a LONG day of marching band in the August heat) and yet he has stuck with me for all these years. I don't think he will care if I have on my funky sweats and ratty t-shirt with my hair dirty and day old make-up on. Maybe it is the fact that he will be all F I N E and I don't want to disappoint him or embarrass him in front of his new friends. So I gotta prepare like this is a first date. So when you see our pictures you can decide if I over did it or not. But if I did, don't tell me. I want tomorrow and Thursday to be perfect!!

Sunday, July 3, 2011

Happy anniversary to us!

Here I am again. Blogging from my phone. I didn't think I would miss blogging so much while I was gone. But then I realized I just have too much to share.
Billy called this morning and woke me up to tell me Happy Birthday. No I didn't mess up. But I swear he said birthday instead of anniversary. Ha! The phone call was 11 minutes long and we were able to take care of business rather than chit chat. But this is what he said.
• he has a rash all over his body from using someone else's laundry soap and can't go to the doctor or they won't leg him graduate.
• he asked me to pack him something (Nunya's stuff) and bring it with us. But I told him we were already in north Carolina at jon's house. D'oh!
• he needs me to get him a bag for his dress blue unifor
• he said on family day he wouldn't get to swim even we wanted to because his drill sgt told them they weren't allowed
• I asked him if he wanted to to to the banquet and he said he wasnt sure yet
• he told me where to sit so we would be closest to where be will be out on the field for family day
• we talked about staying in Columbia SC on Thursday night and then driving to VA on Friday morning
• he said once we get to VA we might as well stay up there in case he gets a weekend pass
• he said he never did the Victory Tower that should have been done back in the first phase and they were acting like they didn't know if they would let him make it up. Which could mess up graduation. So I asked when would we know and he said he guessed when we got there. (later Jon told me that he would be fine since he was bay leader and passes everything else fine)

When we hung up I said "hey!" he said "what?" I said "happy anniversary!" he said "yeah but I said it first!"

And that's about it. He

Saturday, July 2, 2011

Blogging from my iPhone!!!

This has to be a first. I am blogging from my cell phone. So I guess this will likely be a short post.
But just letting you know that we made it to North Carolina. So tired.
The plane ride was awesome for the kids. Allison was a bit terrified, but the minute we got going she couldn't stop giggling! And William was having a blast. He put his arms out to the side and pretended to be flying, too - complete with the sounds and all.
Emma sat by herself but in front of us. I couldn't see her because the way the seats were, but she did amazing! She was just like a little grown up.
And so now we are all happy little people all resting upstairs in our friends bonus room. So cozy and happy. All the kids are playing so well together. It is going to be a fun few days!! And then we are just that much closer to seeing Billy on Wednesday!!

Friday, July 1, 2011

The calm before the storm

So it's been a really weird day. Having completed packed yesterday, today was a "well, what do you wanna do" "I dunno, what do YOU wanna do" kinda day. Other than getting the house sparkling clean and running a couple last minute errands, we found ourselves without a purpose today. And since staying at home was not an option (long story) we just ventured out around town for a few hours and visited family and did a little 'window' shopping. It's just been strangely calm day considering we are about to go on a major trip.

But mostly today has been good for my nerves. For the better part of a week, I've been in a state of confusion as to whether to rent a car while we are in the Carolinas or let our friend tote us around. There were pros and cons to both scenarios, but I think I was waiting on Billy to just call and tell me what he wanted me to do and so I couldn't make the decision. I would get so wound up about it and for some reason I could NOT decide what to do and quite frankly was becoming a bit of a lunatic about it. Why won't Billy call and tell me what he wants me to do????  But then the moment came to me... I had a A-HA moment right there in the middle of Target... that I realized this wasn't Billy's decision to make. Billy needs me to be able to decide what is right for our family while he isn't able to. This is a major factor of being an Army wife. And even though this was a stupid decision about getting a rental car... there will be times when I will have to decide much bigger things. Like where we are going to live... how we are going to move there... and so forth. So this was a bit of an eye opener for me. "Becky, it is time to grow you some and stop doubting your decisions." The minute I made my decision (which was to not rent the car) I felt completely happy. All the cons to letting our friends drive us around turned out to be not so 'con' after all.

So tomorrow morning we are headed to Nashville to get on a jet plane!! WHOO HOO!! I'm gonna be sanging the whole way there... "I'm leeee-vin ooooon a jet plane! Don't know when I'l be back again!" YAY!!! And whatever happens after that is all a part of the floating and breathing bit of this whole journey. I honestly don't care if I sit in a small dungeon with a pile of hay to sleep on... as long as I get to spend a few hours with Billy.... as long as our kids get to crawl up in his lap and love on their daddy... as long as his mom and dad get to hug their son and tell him how proud they are of him. Everything else can just fall into place.