So Long, January!!!

This has been the LONGEST month in the history of the world. Or at least it feels that way. See, Billy gets paid in the middle of the month and the end of the month. And since this month had a holiday on the mid-month pay day... he got paid like 4 days early. Which usually isn't a big deal. But since the end of the month is like 20 days later.... that's incredibly hard. Now, I am a planner. And I knew this was coming. I looked ahead and realized that I would have to make every single dime and nickel and penny stretch as far as I could. But daggum! We are scraping the bottom of the pantry this week. As Billy put it, "we're putting Old Mother Hubbard to shame." And that's even after buying three weeks worth of groceries, staying home and not driving anywhere to save gas, and even with the extra cash coming in from babysitting my neighbors kids. So, I'll say this... yes, the military has LOTS of perks. But the pay is crap. It's ridiculous! For anyone to say we're in it for the money... they need to think again. However, the perks are great. So, I won't complain. It's just this month has been a bit tough.

Speaking of January... why is it 73 degrees outside??? My kids are outside in shorts and t-shirts. I've had my windows open the past couple days. It's just gorgeous outside! I look at the weather back home and see it's barely 50. So, this is crazy!!! Again... not complaining. I LOVE it!! I hate it for the folks back in TN and KY. I love it for me! But hate it for them. Yup... LOL!!

Anyway... I've decided that I need a new kitchen table and chairs. I need it more than I need a new couch. And that's saying something. See, the kids I've been watching this month... well, they decided to go all destructor on me last week. On top of the book ripped in half, a beheaded Buzz Lightyear, about seventeen plastic army guys (whom they fed to the dog - with crayons, of course), and a toy cash register... they also busted up my kitchen chair. Sigh...... So now three of the five chairs are now broken. And then the other two are wobbly as crap. So, for my birthday, I either want a new dining set or new chairs. I just can't risk someone coming over and sitting in my busted chair and ending up in the floor. I've already put this bug in Billy and the kids' ears. They all just laugh at me. And then I hear Billy mumble something about getting me an Xbox controller. I swear to you... if that man buys me a video game controller for my 35th birthday, he'll be sleeping in his truck for a week. So Billy, if you're reading this... be warned.

But yeah, we went back to church this weekend. It was, again, a nice quiet service. Met a couple more ladies who invited us to a prayer group for military wives on the main post. I'd heard of the group before. So, we'll see. Emma seemed to enjoy it better. She invited a friend this time, so I'm sure that helped.

Billy had a nice lazy weekend and rested well. So this morning when he texted me after his run, he said he got to lead the group and they were all telling him to slow down. Um... really? One week of hard core training and he's already a different person. AMEN!! Oh and did I mention I've gone to the gym three days this past week? I'm starting the Couch to 5K program. It's a guide that takes you from basically couch potato status to walking to running in a few months. Not that I need to run any marathons any time soon. But it is a good workout and it is a gradual thing, so I can do this!! Oh and we also went on a family bike ride Saturday evening. Now, that was awesome! William on his little big wheel just blasting down the road. Too cute!!! The girls kept getting distracted with their friends and would stop and chat for a while then catch up to us later. I'm not sure we were all five together for more than a couple minutes at a time. But it was a really nice little ride through the neighborhood. Only down side... my butt is all kinds of sore!!!
**Note to self: buy a fat-bottom bike seat... and soon.**

Oscars, PT, Gifted program, taxes, soccer and other things

Hold on tight... I've got a lot to say and only an hour to type it all out.

First off, I'm extremely disappointed in the Oscar nominations this year. I understand that Harry Potter wasn't this artsy fartsy movie that I normally enjoy... but COME ON!!! This movie makes over a BILLION dollars and has one of the most sentimental death scenes (Snape) in the history of movie making and they don't even get a nod... not a nod! I'm not happy with this, people. Yeah Yeah... it's just a movie. But still. I feel sad and somehow heartbroken to hear they were overlooked. Not fair. Not fair at all. They'll nominate a girl for having a seriously hilarious "pooping in the sink" scene and then not even look twice at Alan Rickman for his 12 years as Professor Snape!!  Very upset with you Academy!!!!! I'm seriously thinking about not even watching this year!

Anyway... moving on...

So, I went to church on Sunday. it was the chapel service run by the chaplains in our neighborhood. So, it was all military AND all families from our neighborhood. It was really nice - done in the school down the road. So it was close and familiar and felt good. Billy didn't attend as he was having stomach issues. But I know he'd like it. I'm going to make him go next time. I just loved how the pastor / chaplain tied in forgiveness with doing a 12 mile ruck march. LOL! It was just neat. Emma wasn't thrilled. The kids church was a little "young" for her I think. Allison enjoyed it though. And William... well he was ready to go back as soon as we got home.

A while back I mentioned that Emma was being tested for the Gifted Program at school. Sadly, they said she wasn't eligible. It was a bit of a blow. I didn't help matters talking it up like "hey I was in gifted and it was awesome!" and then she doesn't get in. So, I had to explain to her that back then they didn't test people like they do today. And that I probably wouldn't have made it in if I had to be tested. You know, taking tests is not my thing. But give me a story to read and write a paper on it... done. Deciding A B C or all of the above... I always freeze. Like taking the compliance tests back when I worked for the bank. I knew that stuff inside and out, but always struggled with the tests. I think I just over think things. And I'm sure that's where Emma froze, too. She just didn't get a high enough score. And all this on the same day that her best friend in her class got moved into another classroom. Blah.

Moving on...

And then of course, I finally make it up to the Child and Youth Services to sign the kids up for soccer. The good news is, William is on a team and starts practice in March. Allison... not so much. She got put on a waiting list because there were too many kids. POO!! But she's number four, so maybe that won't be such a big deal.

I went ahead and filed our taxes this year. I wasn't sure I could do it with all the military stuff, but really it wasn't any harder than doing it last year. Only thing is MTSU screwed me up by billing me for my tuition for the Spring of 2011 in December of 2010 - so I couldn't count that as a education credit. But because my pell grant was applied in January of 2011, I had to report that as income. GGRRR!!!!! Stupid people! Oh well... I guess it could be worse and we'd have to owe money. It was really only a difference of about $300 that I'd have gotten back. But still... that's a years worth of toilet paper, right there.

Moving on!!!

So yeah... I lay out all my doubts and fears to God last week. I seriously laid it all out there for the world to see, if they so chose to read... I had many friends send me very reassuring private emails and I can tell you that my outlook is changed completely!! I just needed that boost again. That jump out of the pit of despair. I don't think I'm 100% back to where I was, but I can already feel a peace surrounding me that I have really missed. I know going to church really helped. I know that pulling out the old bible and following an online prayer group were things that I needed more than I knew. It's been a blessing!!

Speaking of blessings!!! Billy's First Sgt had a fit yesterday when he found out no one was going to the afternoon PT sessions. Of course, Billy didn't know they were having these PT sessions - as did anyone else for that matter. First Sgt said that if anyone misses another one, they were going to get an Article 15. So, um... how is this a blessing? Well, for one... it is MAKING people go to these things, which is what Billy's been needing all along. But since no one else was going, he didn't think he could go either. It's just weird. But anyway... he's going again. Which is a good thing. I can't imagine what would have happened if the First Sgt hadn't of stepped in.  Kinda like how he threw a fit because no one signed up to go play paint ball. But get this... no one even knew they were doing paint ball, much less looking for volunteers. Whatever... moving on...

AND... apparently my drivers license expires on my birthday in a couple weeks. So, I go online to renew it and OOPSIES! they won't do it online. I have to go in. Um.. I can't just drive to TN and renew my license. So, I had to call and after being on hold for 23 minutes, transfered between departments, hung up on, leaving a voice mail, and receiving an email to which I had to reply to with a question and have yet to recieve an answer back.... I still don't know how to get my license renewed. LOL! But... this is just one of those things. And I'm fully convinced that it is the military's fault. Everything in the military is tedius and a pain in the butt, so let's just throw this into the mix as well. After all, I had to go through the military liason due to the fact that we are stationed out of state and blah blah blah... BIG HAPPY GRIN!!! Moving on...

Just felt like I needed to share this

I've heard that when you feel a distance between yourself and God it is because you've pulled away, not because God has left you. It's very easy to become comfortable in your daily life, that you start to forget or possibly take for granted the power God has on your every day tasks. I always "saw" God in everything I did. I would wash the dishes and have everyone clean and ready for bed just in time to catch up on some conversation with Billy or watch a television show - and I would give thanks for just that small thing. The clouds would clear just as I was preparing a road trip down the road and I would give thanks to God for just that small little thing. I would be struggling with something (or Billy would be struggling) and I'd go to the bible and find just the exact words to comfort me and I would give thanks for that small little thing. I've not felt that presence of God in my life lately. I look back and think how much we relied on him for every little detail (like praying over our mailbox while Billy was at basic training) during this "joining the Army" experience. We prayed for news, we prayed for a house, we prayed for friends... all these things have been answered. Maybe not right away, but they were answered when God knew it would be the right time for us. So when I pray for Billy to pass his PT test, I was hurt when God didn't bless us with that. So I guess I felt let down. I've been saying it all along... Why would God put us here just to see us fail? But we weren't failing because Billy wasn't doing his PT test ten seconds faster or his situps just a little better. We were failing because we let God get out of the picture. I've lost sight of how much I depended on God and his word. It's like we got here and I suppose we felt that it was OK to let our guard down since we got where we wanted. So when we got here, I somehow put God on the shelf. I stopped seeing him in everything like I used to. I didn't want God to see my broken self. I didn't want him to see the struggle I was dealing with in finding friends worthy or a church that was good enough. Plus, I mean, heck... we were here. Our prayers had been answered. Why bother praying for the next big thing? Why bother finding a church when it's not like the ones back home? Why bother opening the bible when it looks so pretty on the shelf with the other books? And here we are... back to worrying over being sent back home because of a ten second goof and 8 inches of a situp. Does God want us to stay? Does He want us to go home? What is His will for us? How do I pray for it? I have no idea what is going to happen. I know that Billy is scared to death of not passing this next test. We don't know when it is going to be, but I fear sooner than we know. I just wish I could feel confident in the outcome, no matter what it is. I do know that I will love Billy and support him no matter what happens. I just can't help feel anxious for the unknown.

"It's in Christ that we find out who we are and what we are living for. Long before we first heard of Christ and got our hopes up, he had his eye on us, had designs on us for glorious living, part of the overall purpose he is working out in everything and everyone." Ephesians 1: 11-12

One year

One year ago, Billy was in Nashville being sworn in as Future Soldier to the US Army. I can't even begin to tell you how much this year has done for us. I started this blog just a couple days after he began this process. I find it is so rewarding to sit back read all the posts from a year ago and then compare them to what we're going through now. I can't believe it's been an entire year. There are some things that have happened since we've been in that I pretty much expected and some things that I'm disappointed in and then some things that I've been pleased with.

Pretty much expected that we'd have to move away from family. That basic training would suck for Billy and us as well. That he would give it his best effort. That there would be a lot of perks for being a military family.

Disappointed in the fact that Billy's unit isn't what we had hoped. That he's having such a hard time with his PT. (he told me this morning that when he was at AIT and Basic he started to really love to run and did really well. But here he hates it and is doing really bad) That everything we do is a process and a half. Nothing has been easy - from enrolling in school to getting ready for missions. And I know this is going to shock a lot of people and I'm sorry if I sound hypocritical, but I'm disappointed that he may not get a chance to deploy. NOW... having said that... I do not want him to leave AT ALL! Especially while he is in this unit he hates so much and all that. BUT... I would hate for him to have to tell his grandkids that he was in the Army during the war and all he ever did was sit stateside and stare at the motorpool walls all day. We're also disappointed in how hard it is going to be for him to earn rank. He's only an E3 and I just don't see him getting promoted any time soon like we'd hoped. If he deployed, he could probably move up a little faster.

Pleased with the fact that we live in an awesome place. I really think we chose well when we picked this neighborhood. I've been to some of the newer housing on the main post and they really kinda suck. So, I'm very happy with where we are. Not only the structure and the location, but also the people. I really like where we live. My kids are starting to feel at home and there is that moment when you realize you're going to miss the friends you've made here just as much as you miss the friends you made back at home. I don't want to leave yet. I want to go home and visit, but I'm not ready for this adventure to be over.

But all in all, this has been a great year. One full of pain, strength, fear, relief, loneliness, communication, encouragement, rewards, farewells, reunions, change, settling in, old friends, new friends, ups and downs. And in all of this... there are no regrets. Never a regret.

The Peeper

Apparently, we've had a fellow out here looking into people's windows and then hurting children. Now, I would not believe such nonsense except the MP's have been cracking down severely in the neighborhood. The other day Emma was at the park (which is actually a set of swings and a little climbing thing down at the end of the street and just happens to be the backyard of one of my friends) and an MP stopped her and asked her where her mother was and where she lived and then told her to go home. Now, I was under the impression that children over the age of 10 were allowed to play without direct supervision. I still don't think I'm wrong, but I guess they are just making sure no one gets in the line of this Peeper guy. There have just been all kinds of rumors and kids are going around saying the "Child Killer" is out there! And it's nuts. Like I said, I would not have even given this a second thought except now it's hitting home when the MP's are guarding all the parks and playgrounds and constantly roaming up and down the streets (some on foot and some in vehicles). It's just a bit unnerving. I really don't know what to think. Glitter Mama (my friend) went down there and talked to these MP's and I guess they've been trying to catch this guy for weeks. So, here's my question. We live on a military post. You have to go through a security checkpoint with 100% ID check. There are hundreds upon hundreds of trained combative soldiers here - I'm sure there are several in the Special Forces - many many of them have been in combat and overseas tracking Iraqi's and who knows what else... and you mean to tell me they can not catch a black male between the ages of 19 and 25 who is probably a resident here and is threatening our children??!!?? Blech! People are just crazy.

In other news, today Billy was preparing for PT by stretching and what not and he got pulled out to go to the range for target practice. Then he finds out that while he was gone, they ended up doing the "ability run" which is the good kind of running that he needs (and not the run 4 miles at the fastest speed possible which is what they've been doing all this time). It's like, REALLY? How are they going to pull him out of PT when he needs it more than most and then make him wait around for four hours before taking them to the range. Why could he not have done the run AND go to the range. I'm so aggravated I could just scream sometimes. I sincerely hope they do this run again. Oh and no afternoon PT either. GGRRR!!!!!

But then there are my kids... they continue to make life a little brighter. William has now learned to feed the dog. I let him do this and he feels like a real big kid. Plus, Shadow sees him do this and I hope that will create a trust between the two of them. I know that sounds odd, but I have heard and truly believe that the person who feeds the animals is the one the animal will love most. So... we'll see. Also, Emma has started Girl Scouts. So if you want to buy some cookies... well, that wouldn't make sense. It'd cost a fortune to mail them. But anyway. Or you can order them, and we'll put them in the freezer until we see you next... just a thought... Oh and Emma also got invited to be in the Drama Club at school. Very exciting stuff there!! And then Allison has been studying whales at school. She came home and literally talked about it for an hour. I was going about doing my daily stuff (cooking, laundry, dishes, going to the bathroom) and she followed me everywhere I went talking about all the neat stuff about whales. Too cute!

Anyway, hoping for more "ability runs" like they did today and more chances for Billy to get at making his goals. I really do not want to make myself have to go down to the commander and make an A$$ of myself. Of course, we all know I would never. But still... this is my life too! And no peeper or commander is going to bring me down!

One too few

I hate to say it but Billy didn't pass his test this morning. He missed his sit ups by one. ONE! ONE STINKING SIT UP! And it was just a struggle!! He said he got to the end and knew he only had one more. He got about half way up and fell back down. He tried again... got half way up and they were all yelling at him to "wiggle up" so that he could get up. He said he was kicking his legs and the spotter holding his feet kept coming off the ground trying to hold Billy down. He falls back down and does this about three times until the time ran out. So, really he was a half a sit up away. He was so heartbroken that by the time he did his run, he just felt like he couldn't do anything. He was a minute off on the run. So, this hasn't been a great day for us. I know he's disappointed as am I. But the First Sgt is going to give him one last chance.... we just don't know when. In fact, the First Sgt asks him if he passed. Billy said no. First Sgt asks by how much. Billy says One sit up. First Sgt said, "You want to get kicked out, don't you?" Poor Billy. Of course doesn't want to get kicked out. So, here we are again... on the waiting train. I wonder how many counseling statements he'll have to sign now. Oh well... I'm going to ride his butt until he gets where he needs to be. Even if it means holding his feet while I scream in his ear the whole time. I mean sit ups here... come on.

Speaking of one too few... Allison wants to wear a bra now. She's a flat as hardwood floor. But I let her have one of Emma's old ones. She's so proud of herself, she can't hardly stand it. She asked me tonight before bed if she needs to wear it to bed. I said she could if she wanted to, but eventually she won't want to. Just super cute. Oh and please do not say anything to her about me telling the world about this. She'd die. Absolutely die!!

But continue to keep us in your prayers. I do not want Billy to get kicked out any more than he does.

Sigh

So, Billy's PT test isn't Friday. It's tomorrow. I think he'd be just fine except he got a super horrible migraine this afternoon. So what was supposed to be a night of chugging water and pasta to boost his energy up for his run in the morning... has now turned into me trying to keep the house quiet and dark and I seriously doubt he'll even eat anything tonight. This is not a good thing. He's not had a migraine in weeks and now I'm starting to agree with his mother that this is probably stress related. But at the same time, I'm really kind of mad at him because he just refuses to take anything when he starts getting these headaches. He had three hours off this morning and rather than go to the store to get some medicine when he felt the headache coming on, he sat in his truck in the freezing cold. I swear. I do not understand that man sometimes. He could have even come home during that time... but nope. He'd rather eat his bologna sandwich alone in his truck and let his migraine grow into some horrible mess. I don't know what to do.

And not only that, but I have had a bit of a stressful couple of days watching my neighbor's kids. Three four year olds... (well almost) are a lot of handle. It's just that when they are around, William has to act like the world's biggest terd. It's hard when a bunch of kids come in and just take over his toys. I get that. But then when the little kids come over and bring toys and then refuse to share... it just sets everyone off. I'm probably going to be OK. But I am trying to get used to their behavior while trying to not hang my son out to dry. It doesn't help when Williams' been sleeping like the weirdest hours. He's not getting enough rest and it's about to wear on all of us. Plus, my attitude in the afternoons when the girls get home isn't the best and that's not fair to them. But I'm not going to quit. I just need to figure out how to balance it. I'll probably get it all figured out about the time they leave.

So I've got that on my shoulders and Billy's test tomorrow. My stomach is turning and I'm just about to scratch my eyeballs out.

I made myself a promise that I wasn't going to make this blog a vent fest. But today... I really just needed to vent.

Getting caught up

I've been blogging in my head for days now. I keep thinking of things to say but just never have a chance to sit down and actually type it all out. So, I sat down this morning and made myself do it. I went back and post-dated a couple of them so that I didn't have so much to say on one post. Feel free to scroll down and read... enjoy!

Got myself a job

My neighbor directly across from me (the one who invited us to her church this Sunday) has asked me to babysit her kids for a couple weeks until she quits her job. Her husband is training for Special Forces and just got orders to go back to Fort Campbell in the beginning of February. So, rather than put the kids in daycare and spending a lot of money, I'm going to keep her kids and help her save a little money. We agreed on a little amount that will hopefully make it worth while. It isn't like I've got a full time career job, but it will be something anyway. And we're only talking about maybe three days a week until February. I was glad to help her. I just hope the kids don't drive me crazy. It's a little boy and a little girl (ages 3 and 4). So, I hope they don't think it's funny to color my walls with magic marker or feed the dog crayons. But my friend the lady on the corner is going to be right across the street and told me to bring them over every once in a while to let them play with her kids as well. Kids do better in groups. Moms do better in groups too, I think.

So yeah, I start tomorrow. Say a little prayer that all goes well.

Glitterfest

The ladies that I have come to really care about here all live on my street. It's not a very long street but it is kinda neat that we all pretty much found each other and can manage to hang out without a lot of drama and nonsense. I like to think of us in pairs. There's me and the lady on the corner - we are down on the same end. Then there's glitter mama and the gal whose husband is deployed - they live on the other end across from each other. Then there is the nurse lady and the gal whose husband is gone for training - they live in the middle and right next door to each other. So, we all decided to have a New Years party - or Glitter Fest. Everyone had to dress up in something sparkly and then cover themselves in glitter. It was awesome! Even the husbands got attacked with the glitter spray at certain points through the night. Poor Billy. I made the glitter mama spray him. There was no hope for him. She got him good. It was just a fun evening! Most new years over the past several years, we've just kinda woke up around midnight and kissed each other and the kids and then went back to sleep. This year we were surrounded by so many good friends and all their kids. It was awesome!! At midnight, we just walked around hugging and kissing as many people as we could find. There were so many people there, it was a while before we ran out of friends to hug. Makes you kinda feel good.