So, I still check in on the Army Spouse site from time to time. I try to avoid all the negative talk (there isn't much but when there is some... it's heartbreaking to read) about marriages getting split up and all that mess. But tonight I read a post that was a very honest and enlightening perspective of the life of a military spouse. Basically she said that she can understand how marriages get ruined. She said that you have to be strong because it is HARD to be married to a soldier. It is a constant emotional rollerscoaster of wondering and wishing and hoping and not knowing. (she sounds like me, doesn't she?) But a lot of girls were replying and being completely open and honest about some of the frustrations that comes with this life. So, I chimed in. Here's what I said...
My husband and I have been married for 12 years. This whole process has been the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with - and trust me when I say we've had some doozies. But while he was at basic, I missed him. But it is almost like I understood that it was impossible for him to tell me everything. So I accepted that. Now he is at AIT and has a lot more freedom. We talk every day and it's like I keep expecting him to tell me everything and then want to hear everything I've been doing. But then we only have a short time to talk and so I get so frustrated. For example, I mailed him his contacts since he only had one pair with him. So, I sent him a text asking if he'd gotten them and he replied, 'yeah a couple days ago. and just in time too. my other pair ripped. that's why my eyes were hurting so bad.' Well my whole problem with all of that was, first, I had no idea his eyes were hurting, and second, he never told me he got the package I sent him. I mean, I mailed him a bunch of stuff like his headphones and a card and a thing the kids made him. He didn't even think to mention it to me until I asked. So, it's like we're talking but not talking. I honestly think this is harder than just not talking at all. Well, that's not true. But still. So, I've started sending him emails about our daily stuff just so that I feel like I've at least communicated with him. I know he reads them and maybe he doesn't have time to reply, but that's ok. I'm learning that we just can't talk like we used to.
When you spend 12 years married (plus three years together before that) and you've never been apart and have been able to just talk every single day for however long it takes to tell it all... you realize how precious those conversations were. I miss it so much. I just want to go back to normal most days. But I know that is impossible and I'm finding ways to hold it together. Sometimes successfully, and sometimes not so much. So I can certainly see the strain this life has on a marriage. Even marriages that are as strong as ours can get jerked upside down. But it is a choice. Either stick with it and be stronger on the other side, or give up and never have that blessing of a love worth fighting for.
I plan on sticking with it, just so you know.
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