First, merely hours after I got the news that Billy passed his PT test, I also got the phone call that my sweet Nana had passed away. My sweet Nana. It was sad news, but it was also a wonderful blessing. See, my grandmother got sick over 14 years ago. A mere mosquito bite sent her into oblivion. She went from my loving and precious grandmother to a hollow shell of a person. Her memory was wiped clean and although she recovered physically from encephalitis, she never regained her mental state. She had her moments... I mean she wasn't completely gone. She still loved us and sometimes she knew us. But as far as I see it, my grandmother was lost to that disease. So it was basically like mourning the death of a person over a span of fourteen years.
I have some awesome memories of Nana. Like spending the night at her house with my cousins and she would pull out the egg shell foam and every single blanket and pillow in the house to make us a pallet as soft as a cloud for us to sleep on. And then how she'd let us have our midnight snack of Cheerios coated with Half-n-Half cream and milk and sugar. How she'd make us dress-up clothes that we would play in for hours and hours at a time. How she taught me how to make pillows and sew them by hand. How she used to laugh with I called a thimble a "thumb stick." Oh her laugh. Her laugh was beautiful. Never fake or forced. Just always tender and lovely. Just like her. She was tender and lovely.
People used to say I was just like her and I took that as a compliment. Although I know they were referring to her particular way of doing things, not so much her loveliness. She was very particular. She liked things in order and tidy. And she would fret over things - silly things. Yes, I see myself like her sometimes. Little Edna they called me. I just had this special connection with her, I guess. I used to be so fearful of losing her like I did my grandfather - suddenly and unexpectedly. But seeing her lose a little bit of life with each passing year, living in confusion while her body remained healthy but her mind just drifted away, was in my own selfish way a blessing because I had a chance to slowly let go. However, I hate that she had to live so long with a mind she didn't understand for such a long time. Now, I don't know which is worse... leaving suddenly without a chance to hug, kiss and say goodbye to the ones you love, or letting death take control over you and dangle you by a thread over your end. Either way, death is hard and I will miss her. I will miss the grandmother from my youth. The grandmother my children never had the blessing of knowing like I did. And how sad that she never got to know them either. But she's quite at peace now. No more confusion. And I'm sure she's up in heaven holding her husband's hand as they look down on their legacy and with that, I am at peace also.
So, that's my official remark on my grandmother's passing. It sure does help being able to put into words what I've been thinking over the past couple weeks. It's time to move on...
Me (in her dress-up clothes), My brother Matt, and Nana.
This picture just makes me smile. Wasn't she lovely?
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